deafening silence!

why are you so scared 

telling me that you love will not make me hurt you

why cant you just say it

coz now i cant even hate you for the pain you cause

everytime i cry out loud-i think it will end

but the pain remains and i ask,"now what"

then its numbness till the next time i cry

i am harmless i would like to say

but i cause pain i know

the forts i built to protect myself

doesn let you enter

but without you entering it

how will i know its safe to destroy it?!

my passions are gone

and my will to be of help is diminishing

thank god breathing is involuntary

or id have died long ago

i dont know whom to be angry with

but anger wells up again and again

knowing not what to do

i keep quiet 

this quiet has destroyed my soul

i say il speak when i know

i fear il become mute one day

all that which gave me peace are just words now

a make believe that  mocks me

and you still are silent

my challenge is that you tell me that you dont feel for me

anything,tell me anything 

please dont be quiet

mine is deafening and yours adds on 

i need to break this 

either with tears of sorrow or joy

please make me live again

tell me something

they say...

i have been exalted and condemned,
envied,pitied,ignored
they say that when you express your love first
you give away power
i have given away a lot of it
i feel foolish ,i feel brave
i would like completions to the stories now
stories left aside because they were too alive
i fear and i am scary
they say i drive away people
they say they hear a shrill screech
like a widow crying and then silent-
they say there is nothing like a wrong person to love
i have found a way to do that too
i feel foolish,i feel brave
i dont know myself and
to feel me,from my inside- is my lust
like many men who felt me
they seem ecstatic and some feel fear
i want a taste of me!
how do i feel?
tears are soul's blood he said
mine sheds a lot of it
one thing keeps me going
a faint memory of having lived
the taste of truth that enlivened me
all my scars are beautiful
pain hides anger beneath its cloak
anger that i cant love
anger that i cant  but love
i hope unrequitted love is counted in the game
or is it only about completion?

death

i say i want to start fresh---she says first wipe the slate clean
i say give me love----she says first forget the hate
i say let me weave---she says first entangle the knots
there cannot be rebirth without death
all things dear must die
all things known must fade
when you want to know the new -the old must be impossible to live with

spider woman

dream catchers
dream catchers
you bring your dreams down on earth,
feed the soul with memory
and do the birthing of the old
a new world you say you birth
i destroy as i weave
and this is my work divine
i am weaving for the world
i am weaving for the peace
i am weaving for the dreams
those that have to unfold
this urge that gives meaning
cosmic midwife i am

death/

the deep dark place inside
i breathe into it and it breathes back
i relax into it,it feels me
i am scared of the centered calm
what do i do with myself
and she says breathe

i see myself facade and all
all the time spent to convince others
all the hurt caused from pain
i see the worlds i tore
most of the times they were my own
never really heard myself
felt shy to look into my eye
and now suddenly i feel it all
the centred calm

i was born to destroy
then why this pretended fear ?
i know i relish it
why this need to appear something
who really is watching?
what happens if i destroy myself
the thing im most scared of!
am i happy or sad?
 coz i choose here

i am most fearless when i have to fight
now she tells me i dont have enemies
the world loves me now
and i dontseem to understand
walking towards the gift i most yearned for
ten steps more
there is no fight to reach it
i know its for me
no anxiety ,no doubt
i dont know what to do
i walk continuously but time has slowed
i flash in front of my eyes
i hate myself and feel love
i never fought for the gift i see
it was always mine
it was this time i wished to feel
just crying the tears of love
oh the world always loved me!
not knowing what to do
this walk wasn in my plan!

the promise fulfilled
feeling the moment i was born for
looking into you
i see a state beyond doubts
the will to love gives me strength
to feel you more than my wretched imagination
i know we fit
i know there is a state
beyond all fear,beyond choices
one i cannot name!