see me in toto..if you can

see me in toto,if you can..
the devil that i am and the most merciful
I am the one who watches you in pain,feeling very good-
I am the one who cant take you crying
I am jealous,viscious and the most distant,
I am also the one who will give away my life,
I can brush you off in my doubting mind
and beg you to accept me holding your feet
I am the slut you hate with all your heart,
playing with  merciless abandon,laughing out loud!
I am the one who will never let you in
I have ruined many lives and built many more
I have been the darkness that sucked souls
and the light to the heart that needed hearing,
I hat roles..sister,lover,daughter,friend
you want to cut me apart when you see me so,
how can a daughter be erotic and a lover be a child?
but i am erotic and i am the child
give me a world where i am alone,
and give me also people to love
but know also i dont love myself all the time
dont be tempted to like me
dont hate me for being me
for both are troublesome
see me in toto..if you can

redemption!

I cry with anger..roar out loud!
for someone has finally read my tears,
redemption,redemption i cry!
for my pent up rage flows in gratitude now,
ah! the feeling of lifting a sword,
the trust that i feel within-
the respect for my anger!
fight with me my friend,i need this fight!
dont see my tears,dont be good,i need this fight.
we are not fighting for what we fight!
its been eons and i had forgotten that i could fight,
the choice to change course,the freedom of will!
the feeling of my voice being spoken out
you have shown honour in my right to defend myself,
the curse of feeling amputated at last has been lifted!
you have seen my strength and through my tears,
I raise my sword and chant your name,
I fight to see me fight
I fight to feel alive
I fight for now i am safe with me!

and the story begins..

They say that shiv and shakti-the great embodiment s of passion love falling in love again and again,being obsessed with creation as they always are,they love the initiation into love;they are often said to play dice,mock each other and dance together!They come on the earth over and over again to touch and feel each other again,to fall in love,play games and every time they come a story begins their story..


" this woman who was a woman-stood there in front of a huge cloth more like a curtain,with the most beautiful painting though she wouldn call it one,she hated names and it seemed to her that they are always malleable! yeah i forgot to tell you about this woman who was a woman-she was known for her flights of fancy,impossible nature and sharp tongue!i dont know a word for "zidh" in hindi-she had that in plenty;coming back to the cloth:) it was black! jet black!like the cosmos with the stars and milky ways and galaxies and a red figure who resembles a woman but held within it all that is given to every woman and more..this woman was the maker and bestower of womanhood,of fertility and hence creation of human kind! She gave everything the gift of creation-she caused earth to be wet and warm ,the water then became pregnant with love for the land-for both of them were alone and maybe for other reasons unknown to reason ,they loved!she imagined the water longing to touch the warm earth from very far and finally when it did,he danced with glory and radiance that comes with meeting the beloved,she saw that out of their love and desire for each other "green" was born!it was as if the water,like any man who ever lived,lived to give,he gave her rich green jewellery for her to remember his being,something out of him which will be in her for eternity,to make concrete that he felt love,that he gave of himself to it-though he couldnt and wouldnt stay away from her even for a moment!

"you look at it as if it was yours",with the smile the man in the red cotton coat said,the voice was enough to shatter the annoyance formed just a few secondsago,usually she was furious when people took liberty in disturbing the conversation she had with her pains-without her realizing she had turned to look at the face that speaks the words and noticed the movement of his lips that caused its utterance and probably shed be shocked to imagine that she turned to look at the power center from which the strong voice birthed itself!when she realized all that had happened till now--and every woman does,she asked,"are you the creator of this painting?"! and looked into his eyes to see his soul,sometimes people cannot accept the truth but he could,he said,"yes i am-who are you?" "I mean whats your name?"
as she adjusted the indigo kurta which had gone between her thighs,looked up and she with sincerity of confusion said"EVERYTHING! yeah..i am everything!"and there was a gleam of something that could not be uttered-in whose eyes it could not be said for they mirrored the emotions;
"whoa!! mad mad woman!"
"well I am the otherside of everything-my name is rudr-I am the creator!"
"rudr the creator?" she smiled" I am Rooh"
"rooh" he spelt again,"the source,the soul!"
they smiled for they had already started playing!!
"so what does everything do?"
"everything loves-she even loves the things she hates for she feels fervently"
"what?who?"-proud man
"everything!!!-what else would she love!"
she laughed from within-everything just makes sense!
he wondered why he asked her that... and that it was not really necessary to do so...that..
this woman was like no other to him,she spoke to the him that he knew and the him that she didn -by that time her eyes calmed his questioning mind
"funny no?everything,inspite of being everything,still has another side to her and she does not know it?"
"because there is nothing to know-the otherside is nothing!"
she was a woman who had wisdom but about nothing! she didn know and she couldn make sense how can there be nothing to know when there is everything!"
....and the story begins.....